Do you have a picture in your head of what 'better' looks and feels like? Are you chasing an unattainable dream? Feeling 'better' sometimes can be a matter of lowering your expectations.
Usually what makes us unhappy is holding on to a belief that the world and life should take a certain shape. When we hold our own life up against this 'certain shape' we often experience it as NOT THERE YET. Fundamentally, the dream of GETTING AHEAD can set us up to be miserable in the midst of a perfectly good and acceptable life.
Feelings and suffering
If you're feeling miserable with your current situation, that feeling of suffering is real for you, whether it is about things you can change or things outside of your control. Suffering is something most of us want to avoid but the way we usually avoid it is to struggle against it, for instance, by getting more of what we like or getting away from what we don't like. Of course, getting away from what we don't like is common sense, but not always possible.
Whoever said that getting ahead would make us happy? And how will we know when we have achieved AHEAD? The answer depends upon who or what we feel the need to pull ahead of.
In reality, the quest to get ahead can be at the root of a habit of striving, always striving. and never staying still. What if you were to accept that things are never going to get better than they currently are? Would that knowledge automatically lead to lifelong suffering or could it be the kind of knowledge that sets you free - to stop striving and 'efforting'.
Ask yourself 'what kind of getting ahead do I believe will make me feel good?' Is it more money? More friends? A bigger house or car? Maybe it's having children or landing a different job, perhaps getting fitter or being pain-free. Maybe it's thinking 'if only he/she would love me (again) then I can feel better'.
While these things may be desirable, making them essential to your happiness sets you up to be chronically unhappy while working very hard toward them and focusing on NOT THERE YET.
Mindfulness - Focus on today
Consider the possibility that perhaps you don't have to wait for a particular outcome in order to enjoy your day. And if you enjoy one day without having achieved your expectations, then we know you can do it again and again. It is possible to achieve happiness by being mindful about, and grateful for, what you already have here and now.
So think deeply about that connection between your expectations and what your mind may be creating in your day to day experience of your perfectly acceptable life.
Ask yourself: "While I am waiting for
money,
fame,
sex,
marriage,
inspiration,
good health,
something else, or
any or all of the above; how could I have a great day, week or year?
How could I enjoy what I already have here and now?
There are some basic human needs that most of us have got substantially covered - a roof over our heads, enough food, a safe environment, and some connections with other people, be they family, friends or colleagues. Most of us have work too, even if it is not what we'd like to do and maybe it's part time or volunteer.
If you haven't got the basic human needs covered, you are more entitled than the rest of us to feel anxious and to be suffering as a result. Material and health disadvantages cause real suffering and need to be met with resources, as well as mindfulness.
By practising mindfulness on a day to day basis and being grateful for what we already have, you will quickly see how it's possible to answer the question "How can I feel better soon"?
Rosalin is a registered psychologist with 20 years' experience in the area of individual counselling and dispute resolution. Visit her website at http://counsellingsunshinecoast.net
Rosalin has always been passionately interested in finding out how people, families and communities change. And her post-graduate study choice took her to North America, where indigenous cultures were leading the way in restoring peace between people by using ancient, common sense practices.
It was in Canada that Rosalin realised the power of dispute resolution practices such as mediation and negotiation skills to transform painful processes into healthy ones. Common sense, compassion and optimism infuse Rosalin's approach to counselling and dispute resolution. If you would like to know more about Rosalin and her common sense approach to counselling psychology visit Rosalin's website http://counsellingsunshinecoast.net
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